You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
