whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
