When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Randomize
