The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
