I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
