How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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