well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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