are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
