Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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