i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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