I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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