i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
