Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
