So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
