Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
