i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
