i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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