haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Randomize