Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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