he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
we made out on top of his cat.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
