My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
