Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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