She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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