Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
