There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
