Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
