You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize
