I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
