i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i just google imaged poop.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
