I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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