Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Randomize
