I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
