Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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