College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
