I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
