So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
