I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
