What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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