Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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