im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Randomize
