YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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