well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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