I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Dick very happy bro
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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