69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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