cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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