Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
You know, be my cock's hype man.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
