I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize
