sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
