In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
