Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
