So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
