I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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