also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
