Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
