We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
