I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
