Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
