Taylor Swift is so right about you.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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