I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Randomize
