Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
