What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
