This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
