VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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