K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I could make wine with my vomit
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
