I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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