so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize